


You have your calling and I have mine

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, My First AO3 Post, The Author Regrets Everything
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-01
Updated: 2015-03-29
Packaged: 2018-03-10 01:03:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 12,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3270986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Now listen, I know you've got a little soft spot for the humans and it’s sweet really, but this mission requires more than being sweet. I need you to be convincing.”</p><p> “Who am I convincing exactly?”</p><p>Zachariah takes a swing of the amber liquid. “Adam Milligan"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter one: The holy angel named...Alfie?

 

****  


Matt Pike opened the door to his apartment and let out a sigh. The apartment was filled with pet bugs that Matt collected and boxes filled with his stuff from his parents home. The bug fanatic pulled off his Weiner Hut hat and ran a hand through his hair, closing his eyes to allow himself to enjoy this one moment of bliss. Matt moved to plop into an armchair, rubbing his eyes which were slightly puffing from having cried earlier.

   The dirty blonde boy tugged at his uniform, sneering at the hand-me-down outfit that still had someone else’s name sewn into it. This was his fourth job since his parents kicked him out and he has been struggling. Matt was living in a cheap apartment, with no friends or a dollar to his name and only a cheesy uniform to a fast food chain to show for it.

   Matt leaned forward, glancing up at the ceiling, “Lord I...I know I never prayed to you before, another thing I didn’t listen to my dad about but...I need some help. I’m a deadbeat with nothing to my name, I could drop off the face of the earth and the only my bugs would worry!” Matt mumbled out, sadly. The dirty blonde’s hands began to shake, he rested his forehead against his now clasped hands.

   “Please, I know this will probably do nothing but...just let me do something amazing, something worthwhile instead of cleaning tables at the Wiener Hut.” Matt pleaded.

   A few minutes of silence passed before Matt leaned back at his chair, a scowl on his face and a lost look in his eyes. The urge to drink himself to sleep for once since his days in college came to him, he stood up and walked to the kitchen. Loud static roared throughout the apartment and made Matt jump in surprise, he turned towards the doorway to his living room where the sound was the loudest. The closer Matt moved to the living room the more the static began to make sense to him, he could almost form words out of the booming noise.

  _“I heard your prayers and I want to help you achieve the wonder you are looking for. I need a human vessel and together we will save the world and protect heaven, as long as you say yes”_ The static spoke to Matt.

   “Are you an angel?” Matt blurted out as he looked around frantically for what was making the static noise.

  _“My name is Samandriel and yes, I am an Angel”_ , Matt looked bewildered as he glanced up at the ceiling of his room than to his chair. Shock and Awe passed over the dirty blonde haired kid, he went over it in his mind, the static’s words going over and over in his head. “Will we really save the world?” Matt asked, his voice getting quieter with each word.

    _“Yes we will, we will save everyone.”_ Matt glanced hesitantly at the door before looking back up at the ceiling.

   “Then...I say yes” the minute Matt uttered those words the apartment shook and rattled. Framed documents crashed to the floor and furniture skidded slightly before a white light filtered in and blinded Matt. A scream rang out throughout the apartment than the apartment stopped shaking. The light soon drained away into the dirty blonde boy.

    Samandriel blinked, glancing around and taking in the sight of the apartment before glancing down at his hands. This was new to the angel, the feeling of the heart beating within him, the constant unnecessary need to inhale oxygen, the awkward cling of clothes, it all felt like he was stuck inside a jar a little bit too small for him. It was different but not entirely uncomfortable. Samandriel took a few steps, trying to get the hang of his new vessel. A red and white hat caught the angels attention, looking down he noticed it matched his outfit, Samandriel walked over and picked up the hat. He examined it before putting the Wiener Hut hat on his head.  

    A quick shadow of wings and Samandriel was gone from the room, instead appearing outside of a small pub in New York. Samandriel pressed his hands against his chest, trying to steady his heart which was beating out of control from the feeling of flight. The angel turned on his heels and walked into the pub, cringing at the smell of alcohol and cigarettes and the sinful people at bar who eyed him dangerously. Samandriel scanned the pub before seeing the vessel of his brother, or more like his ‘boss’, Zachariah. He was sitting at a booth and swishing a glass of an amber colored liquid in his hand with a bored expression on his face. Samandriel quickly scrambled over to him, wanting to break free of the awkward mood the pub left him in.

   “Zachariah” Samandriel called, the suit clad angel noticing him and grinning.

   “Samandriel? Wow, nice meat suit. Wiener Hut, huh?” Zachariah, Samandriel frowned slightly but ignored the comment, sliding into the booth across from Zachariah.

    “I hope you don’t mind me asking, but why do I need a vessel?” Samandriel asked, his tone of voice level even though he was thinking of all the ways he could get away from the pub.

   “What? I thought you loved the humans! You always did stalk around their heavens, shouldn’t this be a dream for you?”

    “Enjoying the humans customs and taking their lives for our own nefarious purposes are two different things” Samandriel mumbled, lowly, as if Matt could hear him even though the boys soul was still adjusting to the angelic presence around it to even notice Samandriel was speaking.

     Samandriel was expecting to hear Zachariah explain to him how a few lives would have to be taken for a good cause but instead the suit clad angel only smiled more. “That’s that love for the rodents I was hoping for, Alfie” Zachariah cheered, Samandriel raised an eyebrow, he glanced down at the name-tag on his uniform to see it said ‘Alfie’.

    “Now, listen, I know you’ve got a little soft spot for the humans and it’s sweet really, but this mission requires more than being sweet. I need you to be convincing.”

   “Who am I convincing, exactly?”

    Zachariah takes a swing of the amber liquid. “Adam Milligan” Zachariah stated, Samandriel perked up slightly. “May I ask why?”

   “Dean’s not going to say yes to Michael anytime soon, so we have little Adam as our plan B.” Zachariah replied, flatly. Samandriel had heard rumors about a new vessel for Michael but he had never thought it would actually be true. Zachariah finished his drink with one last swing and set the glass back down on the table.

   “Alfie, all you need to do is convince Adam that saying yes to Michael is the best decision he will ever make! Make him feel welcome. I’d do it but lets face it, i’m bad ass looking. I’ll scare the poor kid. Your love for their technology makes you look extremely harmless, especially in that meat suit!” Zachariah explained. The dirty blonde angel was tempted to respond to that but decided against it for fear of having to deal with Zachariah’s wrath.

   Samandriel didn't want to do this, attempting this mission meant he would be responsible for whether or not Adam said yes, which also means that if he says no Samandriel will face a strong backlash. It felt like a thousand tons just dropped on his shoulders but he nodded, after all he can’t refuse. Zachariah smiled a devilish and vile grin before standing up, “well than let’s get you right too it, don’t want to miss out on quality bonding time” he joked. Samandriel followed Zachariah out of the pub.

  They stepped into the brisk air. Zachariah snapped and the pair disappeared from their area on the pavement.

 ****  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed the fan fiction so far! Thanks for reading!


	2. Cute for someone who could kill me in a second

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next two hours were something that Adam would never imagined him doing in a thousand years; he played Twister with an angel of the lord

Adam leaned back against one of the pearly which chairs in the room. It had been what felt like days since anyone had spoken to him and the angels weren’t keen on having him leave, so for the time being Adam was stuck. Though the situation wasn’t too bad, after all they supplied unlimited food and reading material, so it was bearable for the most part. Adam sighed and rubbed his eyes, having not slept in a few days, before hearing the soft ruffle of an angels wings.

Adam glanced to his right to see a boy with dirty blonde hair, bright green eyes and...wearing a weiner hut costume? Adam raised an eyebrow at the boy before his eyes fell on the name tag, Alfie. They managed to rope in a little scrawny kid to be an angels vessel?

“Hello, Adam” His voice was sweet, compassionate, almost awkward which was extremely different than the other angels who were stern even often mischievous with him.

“Uh...I’m guessing you’re here to refresh my burger supply?” Adam questioned, the angel smiled slightly and walked closer to the youngest Winchester.

“I think you have enough already” The innocent angel replied, gesturing at the large pile of hamburgers that sat on a silver platter.

“My names Samandriel” The angel said, reaching forward to shake Adam’s hand. Adam was a little bit shocked at the fact that an angel was treating him like some random person he has never met instead of a burden they have to carry.

“Nice to meet you, Samandriel. Should I say Hi to Alfie, or can he not hear me?” Adam questioned, Samandriel cocked his head slightly in confusion before he shook his head quickly. “No, no! My vessel isn’t Alfie, his name is Matt I believe, this is just a old work uniform from his new job. You don’t have to address Matt, he seems more along for the ride at this point, he doesn’t care for what i’m discussing” Samandriel explained, giving a half smile before pulling out a chair and sitting down in front of where Adam was sitting.

“So, Alfie?” Adam paused to make sure it was okay with Samandriel to call him that, the dirty blonde angel didn’t seem angered by it so Adam continued. “Why are you here? To babysit?”

Samandriel’s eyes shifted to the ground for a moment, “no, i’m here to keep you company. Make sure you are okay with saying yes, make sure you don’t manage to choke on the giant pile of burgers”

****  
  


Adam smiled at that, it felt good to smile which was something he hasn’t done in a long time, even though it was short lived. “I already told the other angels, I need more information before I let someone posses me!” Adam said.

“Well I don’t think I have all the answers for you... so I guess that means I will have to be the entertainment” Samandriel stated.

“Oh really? I hope you mean like twister?” Adam questioned, reminding himself that this angel was much more innocent than the rest so he didn’t understand how seductive that sounded.

“I’m the angel, Adam. I’m sure I can retrieve it for you” Samandriel disappeared for a split second before appearing again with a game of twister on the table. Adam’s eyes widened in surprise, “wow” Adam cheered. Samandriel looked down bashfully, “just don’t ask for too much, I get tired quickly from doing that” Samandriel warned.

The youngest Winchester made a mental note of that, before reaching out to pick up the Twister box. “Well, since you already brought this here...Wanna play?” Adam asked, he expected a ‘no’ or a disturbed look before talking about the apocalypse again but instead he just got a soft smile from the Weiner hut angel.

“As long as you show me how to play” Samandriel stated and Adam knew this angel was going to surprise him.

The next two hours were something that Adam would never imagined him doing in a thousand years; he played Twister with an angel of the lord. The Twister mat was spread out across the marble tile, the spinner far away but close enough for Samandriel to see and spin with his grace. Adam was in a backwards bend type position, while Samandriel was in pushup position with his knees on the ground.

“Left Hand Red” Samandriel called, his arms shaking slightly. The red dot which was far away from anywhere where the position might be comfortable. The youngest Winchester huffed out in annoyance but moved his hand, ever so slightly, to the small red circle.

The spinner moved again and Samandriel stretched his leg out to touch a small green dot. “Okay...Right foot, blue” Samandriel called and there Adam saw it, the blue dot staring him right in the face, the only one closets but still extremely difficult to reach. “Now you’re just cheating!” Adam whined in annoyance even though there was a smile on his face, the Weiner Hut angel laughed which made his arms shake. Adam moved his foot, trying his best not to fall--THUMP.

He fell to the floor, Samandriel bit back a laugh as Adam rubbed the back of his head. Samandriels arms shook and his face went red as he tried his best to hold back a laugh. The youngest Winchester rolled his eyes and gave a half smile, shoving the tiny angel over who immediately started laughing as he tumbled to the floor.

It was weird seeing an angel laugh, watching his shoulders shake and a smile constantly spread across Samandriel’s face. Samandriel looked human, like he was just some kid Adam ran into instead of an angel who could kill him in a millisecond. When Samandriel stopped laughing he sat up, his smile disappeared, his shoulders moved slightly and his eyes were bright and shining. He looked holy...he looked innocent.

“I forgot humans don’t catch their breath automatically” Samandriel said, gripping his chest as he wheezed softly.  

 

Adam rolled his eyes and grinned, swiping the hat off of Samandriel’s head and wearing it. “Yeah, we’re a bit flawed in that way”  Adam stated, smiling down at the angel who had finally stopped wheezing.

“The hat suits you” Samandriel said thoughtlessly. The dirty blonde nudged the bill of the hat up a bit, giving an awkward half smile.

“Well, I mean it is a Weiner Hut hat but hey, I’ll still take it as a compliment” Adam joked.

There was a moment of silence between the two. The pair locked eyes and for Adam it felt...calming.  Adam was tempted to lean forward, close the space between the two, even though he knew that was a bad idea. Samandriel looked away, his eyes downshifting to the ground and with it took Adam’s hopes of fulfilling his temptations.

The Weiner Hut angel moved to stand up, reaching out a hand to help Adam up as well, who hesitantly took it. “This was very enjoyable, Adam” Samandriel cheered, “yeah...I have to admit for your first time playing Twister you figured out how to cheat pretty quickly” the youngest Winchester grinned proudly as a small smile edged at the corners of Samandriel’s mouth.

 

“I’m an angel, I don’t need to cheat to win!” Samandriel snatched the hat off of Adam’s head and secured it on his own. Adam rolled his eyes dramatically.

“Sure, Alfie” Adam said, the nickname rolling off his tongue like he’s said it a thousand times before. Samandriel fixed his hat so the bill was straight before putting out his hand for Adam to shake it, “I will see you tomorrow, Adam. Hopefully with all the answers to your questions” Samandriel stated and Adam frowned slightly. Right, the apocalypse. Adam forced a smile and nodded, shaking the angels hand, “I’ll see you then”.

Then Samandriel was gone, disappeared into thin air. Adam glanced around the marble decorated room, almost as if he expected it have change when really only his perspective on angels had changed. Samandriel was not a regular angel. Samandriel did hold himself up like a regular angel, shoulders set back, his eyes piercing, a determined look that held his expression, but he had a lot of human like qualities also. The tiny angel was compassionate, he was able to laugh, able to smile, he was able to feel for as much as Adam could tell. Samandriel was different. Adam liked it, he was much better than the other angels in personality alone.

Adam looked over to see the Twister mat, “I guess I have to clean this up myself” Adam mumbled under his breath as he leaned down to pick up the spinner from the floor.

 


	3. There is no us in Mission, but there is I.

Samandriel was praised for accepting the mission by his brothers and sisters. They all told him how he was honored to receive such a ‘prestigious’ task, that of all the angels he was the best choices and more fake ‘congratulations’ of that nature, even though Samandriel could see what his angel brethren really meant. The other angels didn't want to deal with Adam, one of partial Winchester blood, or be in charge of his well-being. Samandriel had heard the horror stories about what the full blooded Winchester brothers had done to Zachariah’s psyche and how they have poised Castiel with their lies, but he didn't believe them as fiercely as the others did.

Adam was nice, he had this way about him that showed everything Samandriel was most interested in humans about, all the things he didn't understand. The twister game yesterday made Samandriel warmed up to Adam a lot more than he was expecting and he also found out a bit more about humans (the way humans show their appreciation for humor is painful). Though Samandriel knew he couldn't get too blindsided by the good times with Adam to forget about his mission, to gain Adam’s trust and then make him be okay to say yes to Michael. If Samandriel failed at that then Zachariah would surely have his head on a silver platter.

Samandriel had to lie about it all, say that it was all for the greater good, say that he could return home, say as many lies as possible to get Adam to agree. It shouldn't be too hard, Samandriel thought, after all I did lie to Matt to get him as a vessel.

Samandriel appeared in the center of the room, startling Adam who was picking at a hamburger in disdain before the angel had appeared. “Finally! I thought I was going to die of boredom” Adam cheered, Samandriel didn't understand why his stomach flipped at how excited Adam was to see him.

“I’m guessing you don’t get a lot of visitors” Samandriel mused, the human giving a half smile to Samandriel as he sat down in front of him.

“That’s an understatement” Adam mumbled.

The angel leaned forward, “what do you want to do today, Adam?” Samandriel questioned.

Adam’s eyebrows knitted together in concentration, “I didn't really plan what I’d do while I was dying of boredom” Adam joked.

Samandriel crossed his arms on the table, “i’m sure the pain was too much for you to focus” He teased. Adam moved to reach out and grab two beers from the slightly dented pile that was beside the mound of hamburgers and handed one to the dirty blonde angel.

“Well you've got to give me some credit! I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact that I played twister with heavens cutest angel” Adam said with a soft laugh as he opened the beer against the table and took a swing of it.

Samandriel looked at his own beer awkwardly, moving it away from him. “Heavens cutest angel?” Samandriel questioned, his eyes still on his beer as if it would jump up and attack him.

“Well...I mean, cute as in childlike cute not like I-would-sleep-with-you-if-you-asked kind of cute!” Adam clarified, taking another swing of his bottle of liquor. Samandriel took note of the way the humans soul flickered at that, as if he was lying, which confused him.

“I’ve been alive for thousands of years, Adam. I am not a child” The Wiener hut angel corrected. “Though I’m glad that you find my vessel aesthetically pleasing” Samandriel added, Adam almost choked on his beer at that.

 

“That’s not what I meant--” Samandriel gave Adam the smile. The smile that Samandriel had seen humans use a few times before, that smile that could be translated only as ‘oh really’. Adam immediately went quiet.

The humans eyes darted down at Samandriels unopened beer, “aren't you going to drink that?” Adam questioned.

Samandriel shook his head, “I’m an angel. I won’t really get a buzz from it”

“Doesn't mean you can’t drink it” Adam retorted.

Samandriel looked down at his beer bottle like a picky five year old with broccoli.

“C’mon, I at least want to put a dent in this pile and I can’t do that by myself” Adam whined.

There was a long bit of silence before Samandriel finally picked up the beer bottle. The angel attempted to open the bottle against the table like he saw Adam do, instead it was just Samandriel repeatedly slamming a bottle against an edge of a table in confusion. Adam couldn’t stop laughing as Samandriel kept banging the bottle against the table and glancing over at the human in such distress.

Adam reached for the bottle before the angel rammed it against the table edge again, Samandriel giving it to him with a slight hesitation. “I almost opened it” Samandriel stated, Adam shaking his head and smiling at the child-like frustration in the angels voice.

“Sure, Alfie” Adam said sarcastically, in one swift motion opening the liquor bottle against the table and handing it to Samandriel. Samandriel took the bottle and stared down at it, hoping the bottle would disappear before he had to drink it, which sadly did not happen. Samandriel tentatively took a sip of the beer, his face contorting into one of disgust. Adam had his eyebrows raised and was giving a shit-eating grin as Samandriel shook and gagged in disgust.

“You don’t like it?” Adam asked, the shit-eating grin spreading farther on his face.

Samandriel could taste every molecule, every little ingredient put into it and then the every ingredient that went into those ingredients. To the angel it tasted like a single drop of less-than-extraordinary liquid that did very little to impress or surprise him.

Though as it went down Matt’s body rejected it, his human body reviling in it’s taste where Samandriel could not feel it. Matt’s soul, which hide itself as far away as it could from the bright angels grace flickered and jolted at the taste, the boys thoughts bubbling out into Samandriel’s conciseness and screaming at him to stop.

Apparently Matt used to have to divulge into large amounts of alcohol back when he went to a large human school called ‘college’ because of the crowd of ruffians who he hung around with, Samandriel had heard the humans soul scream out, and that Matt didn’t want another drop of the liquor in his body ever again. Samandriel sat the bottle down and pushed it away, Matt’s soul settling down into a niche at that. “Matt doesn't want me to drink this.”

Adam was confused for a moment before he seemed to remember. “I’ll take that

as a yes” Adam said, he grabbed Samandriel’s beer bottle and pulled it closer to him.

The human finished his bottle of liquor before picking up Samandriel’s with little hesitation, “has Matt been talking to you this whole time?” Adam questions. The alcohol incident must have warmed up the bug enthusiasts soul to the angels grace because now it buzzed with thousands of questions.

“Matt just woke up it seems, he wasn't like this before” Samandriel explains, trying his best to answer all of Matt’s questions while still maintaining a conversation with Adam.

Matt was curious, much more curious than the angel had expected, fluttering with questions of confusion and slight outrage. The questions ranged from wondering who Adam was exactly to if he was going to help us save the world. The angel smiled slightly, Matt was certain that Adam was a angel.

"What? Did he say something funny?" The human questioned.

Samandriel shook his head slightly at Matt's speculations about what angel wings look like and how halos are really just the glow around angels faces. "He thinks you're an angel" Samandriel says.

Adam gave a baffled look. "An angel?" The human questioned. He raised his bottle, "I'm drinking”

“Matt believes angels just got more lenient as time went on” Samandriel retorted.

The human smiled slightly, as if he was unsure of how to respond. “Well, tell Matt i’m flattered but i’m not an angel yet” Adam said. The angel paused, Adam said he would be an angel soon--he’s agreeing to it, that one benign angel line did not go unnoticed by Samandriel. This was working. The vessel was slowly accepting the fate before him. Samandriel tried to ignore the weird feeling of regret that came with that thought, giving a thin-lipped smile to Adam.

“There are some angels that do drink, the few odd ones from the bunch I suppose” Samandriel explained, leaning forward. Adam smiled before he looked down, his soul flickered and it’s light got smaller, as if he was hurt.

“Hey, Alfie…” Adam trailed off before looking up at the angel, “is Matt in pain?.. from being a vessel?”

The pain in the humans eyes made Samandriel’s heart drop to the floor.

Samandriel knew that for Matt being a vessel was nothing like what Adam would experience. Adam would feel like he was being strapped to two jet engines, the movement and the noise feeling like they were tearing him apart though his body would never show it. To Matt it was about as bad as being dragged around by a very large greyhound. Michael’s grace would rip through Adam, over power his soul, even in the farthest corners of his mind he would still be able to feel the archangels crushing grace. Samandriel just took up the available space, never touching Matt’s soul.

The differences were monumental, so the angel didn't have to lie but he had to smile. He had to look Adam in the eyes and tell him it will be the same for him, reassure him that after he says yes it will be the exact same as it is for Matt. Samandriel had to perform his lines to convince the audience, Adam.

**  
**“Matt isn't hurt, having some hard time adjusting yes but hurt no” Samandriel says, trying his best to give a good ‘everything's-perfect’ look that he saw some humans hold in their heavens. “We don’t hurt our vessels”


	4. File a formal Complaint with the Chief of Staff

 

 

 

A week passed. A week of board games, questions and laughing. A week wasn’t much to an angel, a few seconds, but Samandriel cherished those seconds for all they were worth. Each day was something new, something exciting, and all of it leading back to Adam. Adam to Samandriel was everything God would tell them about humans, he was the great creation.

 

 

The human had so much to share, he wanted to show Samandriel everything, and yet for all the things he shared Adam still did some things that the angel didn’t understand. Adam would smile or laugh and it would send a warm feeling coursing through Samandriel, when the human would touch his shoulder or pat his back.  Samandriel would lean into it, and the angel didn’t understand why. Matt would say it was because he loved Adam which only confused him more.

 

 

As much as the week was amazing, it was still part of his mission. Samandriel had to remind himself of that. He has had to lie  to Adam throughout those seven days, smile in his face as he told him how grand it will be when he says yes to Michael. The weight of Samandriel’s guilt was crushing down on him from his lies because unlike Matt who he gave vague lies to,  Samandriel was constantly spewing lies at Adam. Everyday was a new lie to spin and a new weight of guilt and the angel didn’t know if he could handle it any longer.

 

 

Samandriel stood in a clearing on the edge of Lawrence, Kansas. He had finished his usual rounds of answering prayers and  was standing with faux determination in the clearing.  The Wiener Hut angel was clutching his angel blade with shaking hands before Zachariah landed in front of him. Zachariah’s large gray wings were spread out high, a sign of superiority, and were far  larger than Samandriel’s cream colored ones. “Samandriel. Don’t tell me you called me here to ditch your mission? After you’ve been doing so well” Zachariah’s voice had a dark edge even though his vessel  held a thin-lipped smile.

 

 

“No.” Samandriel said quickly, “I’ve come here to ask for a different resolve to the vessel problem.”

 

Zachariah quirked an eyebrow and took a step closer, “I’m listening”

 

“If we don’t use vessels-” “Stop right there” Zachariah interrupted.

 

 

“Samandriel. Are you trying to say that we don’t use vessels. Are you saying we don’t use the humans which from the very beginning we let live so that they could become the very thing you are trying to tell me not to use. Ignore their potential” Zachariah explained, his voice calm and even. “I assumed you were smarter than that” Zachariah said emphasizing that as he shook his head.

 

 

Samandriel held firm but lowered his angel blade slowly. “This war is unnecessary, Zachariah. What is the point of it?” 

Samandriel asked, his voice getting slowly quieter.

 

 

Zachariah paused, his wings rising higher into the air. “Samandriel.  You are no more than a goon.  You understand? You do what I say without question. You know that, even if you may have had a few comments here and   there, you knew that. So why now are you questioning me?” Zachariah snapped, glaring at Samandriel with vicious intent  though his voice barely changed tone. Samandriel went quiet, fear taking the words out of his mouth. Zachariah smiled, taking a few steps towards the cowering angel. 

 

“It’s not Adam is it?” Zachariah says, making a ‘tsk, tsk’ noise. “He’s a human, Samandriel. Humans lie, humans sin, humans  are nothing like angels. Are you really destroying the trust of your brothers for a human?” Zachariah questioned, a look of faux  worry on his face.

 

 

I’m would never do something like that Zachariah” Samandriel interjected.

 

Zachariah’s smile grew. “What is it than? You’re not fighting for him then, what? Why are you here?” The larger angel  questioned, his vessel’s smile not falling a bit.

 

 

Samandriel took a small step back, his cream colored wings curled up tight against his back. “I’m not fighting” Samandriel said‘i’m pleading’ he thought. “I just don’t think Adam deserves to be tortured...as a vessel” Samandriel explained.

 

 

“And why not? So that he could live out his days being bitter and sinful? This is his purpose. Yes, it will be torture but it’s for  the greater good” Zachariah stated, bouncing on the balls of his feet. “A greater good you are going to help achieve. Right Samandriel?” Zachariah stated.

 

 

Samandriel was tempted to yell ‘no’, to tell him all about how this mission was  f lawed, how it was just as sinful as the things on earth, to scream out about Zachariah was not the ruler God would want and plunge the angel blade deep into his chest. But Samandriel did none of these things. Instead Samandriel nodded, nodded to the mission he had originally came to stop, and Zachariah smiled at him.

 

 

“Atta boy! Now, don’t keep Adam waiting!” Zachariah cheered before flying up and darting over the trees so fast that no human could ever possibly see it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo! Chapter Four! :D  
> ...Man I am proud of my titles. Anyway, apologies if there are some mistakes and I will try to update as soon as possible.


	5. Heavens Cutest Actor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I fixed the editing mistakes in this chapter as well as chapter four. I hope it's better now

 A week passed. Those seven days were the most fun Adam’s had in heaven.Each day revealed something new about the angel who always came to visit.Samandriel  was different than the angels Adam’s see, sure he still had the air ofsuperiority that all angels had but he had some qualities other winged-helpers didn’t.

 

Samandriel was caring and curious, he asked questions about Adam and seemed worried when the response was bad.  Adam would be lying if he said he didn’t feel his heart flutter when Samandriel would muse about human inventions, going on and on about the creativity of our race with a gleam in his eyes.

 

If things weren’t like this, Adam thought when the angel would smile at one of his jokes, maybe we could have been something more. If Samandriel wasn’t an angel inhabiting the body of a Wiener hut busboy. If I was a regular kid and not an orphan with the destiny to be an angels vessel, than maybe we could have been a couple, but things aren’t different and we will never be a  couple.

 

 

    As much as Adam liked to imagine a scenario where Samandriel and him were a pair of star crossed lovers, he knew that there was no chance that could happen. Samandriel was an angel. No amount of smiles or board games could change that fact, he was a powerful being that has lived for centuries! Angels don’t need love, especially  from another angels vessel. Adam knew he had no chance but yet he pushed the  boundaries anyway, stood a little closer, smiled a little wider, dropped a few hints here  and there, as if he was flirting with a person he met at a coffee shop.

 

 

The weirdest part about Adam’s flirting techniques was the fact that Samandriel was going along with it. The angel would lean  into his touch, laugh at his corniest of jokes and ask questions about his obvious hints. It made the whole thing more suriel. So Adam kept doing it. It was a nice little game they played, testing the boundaries, seeing how far they could go before one of them cracks and tells the other the inevitable  ‘It’s not you, it’s our destinies’.

 

 

 Yes that week was filled with surprises and as Samandriel appeared in the centerof the pearly white room Adam prepared himself for more surprises. Instead of seeingSamandriel standing tall and proud, the angel was sunken and his eyes seemed gluedto the floor. Samandriel glanced up to look at Adam, forcing himself to stand up straightwhen his eyes met Michael's   secondary vessel. “Hello, Adam. You look relaxed”Samandriel said, walking over to sit in his usual seat in front of Adam.

 

Adam moved to sit up, raising his eyebrows at the angels faked expressions. “Alfie, is something wrong?” Adam questions.

 

 

 “No, I’m just a bit worn out” Samandriel assured.

 

“Answering a lot of prayers?” Adam asked, leaning closer to the angel. “Did you get any weird ones?”

 

The corners of Samandriel’s mouth turned up, “only a few. Some students praying to get through their exams and a man  praying for his hair to grow back”

 

“Wow. And they prayed for you to fix that?” Adam could never imagine himself praying to one angel. Do people even know each angels name besides Lucifer and Michael? Adam wondered.

 

Samandriel shook his head, rubbing his eyes. “There are very few people that pray to individual angels so we answer the  prayers meant for god” Samandriel explains. "Adam…” Samandriel’s voice was somber, almost sad, like the tone his mother used when his dog died. “I lie-” Samandriel flinched, before swallowing harshly and gave a thin lipped smile. “I’ve...I’ve really  enjoyed spending time with you” It sounded forced and strained, as if someone was beating that response out of Samandriel.

 

 

The secondary vessel didn’t understand why Samandriel was acting like this? He looked so lost and spoke like he was at Adam’s funeral. The human choose not to question it, after all it could be some angel issue he just didn’t understand. Adam reached out to put his hand over the angels own, trying his best not to make the gesture look too romantic and failing. “Hey...I’m not   going to disappear, you don’t have to look so sad” Adam said, attempting to console the sorrowful angel.

 

Samandriel glanced up at Adam with a look of...guilt? Samandriel was guilty?  The angel relaxed a bit at Adam’s words,  glancing down at his hand. “You’re right.”    “after all if you did disappear I would find you easily” Samandriel added. Adam smiled,there’s my angel!, he was about to move his hand before Samandriel ran his thumb over the side of the humans  hand making Adam jump. Adam did his best to hide any indication of the whirlwind of emotions that was going on inside him from showing. “You’re only saying that because i’m a vessel” He joked.

 

 

Samandriel shook his head, a small smile playing on his lips. “I’ve been here for a week, I believe I’ve established that I’m not  here because you’re a vessel” Samandriel’s voice was far calmer than it was when he first arrived. “After all, If I was just talking to you for that reason I wouldn’t have played so many board games with you” Samandriel retorted. Adam gave a lop sided grin, “speaking of board board games” Adam said pointedly. “Have you  ever heard of Sorry?”

  
  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Five, let's go, let's do this! Thank you all for your support you guys are awesome!


	6. The end is near, but our tale is just beginning

 

Samandriel appeared in the white room, far more confident than he was before as he strode over to the table which Adam was standing beside, a pep in his step. “Hello again Adam” Samandriel stated, the human turned around to look at him and gave a smile. 

 

 

  “Hey, you seem better.” Adam stated, his soul was wavering like a  candles  flame. The angel puffed up his chest a little, his  grace doing the same instead in a larger  scale, almost like a bird showing off to impress possible mates. 

 

  The cause of Samandriel’s confidence against the face of the future was the realization that he had very little time, soon  Adam would be Michael's vessel with his flickering soul extinguished, and the angel was prepared to make the most of it.  These fleeting seconds of time, this little fraction of time in the span of light years, Samandriel was going to make it memorable. The angel will pull a smile, stand in the face of utter despair and follow through with his mission, he saw no other choice. Then after this  brutal war is over, the human races numbers dwindling away, Samandriel would see Adam in heaven.  “I feel much  better. How about you Adam?” Samandriel asked. 

 

 Adam ran a hand through his hair, rustling it up with a small sigh. “I’m kind of sick of heaven, this rooms driving me insane”  Adam states, his voice still keeping it’s somewhat happy tone. Samandriel glanced around the room, the decor was mostly white with paintings of angels on a few walls and small crosses nailed to the walls, nothing too spectacular considering humans expectations for heaven. 

 

 

 “That’s something I might be able to help” Samandriel said, Adam raising his eyebrows at him in disbelief. 

 

 

“Alfie, no offense...but you can barely get a Twisters box without getting tired. How can you change the entire look of a room?” Adam questioned. 

 

  Samandriel felt a twinge of hurt at Adam’s words and decided to show the human  what he meant, the angel walked over to  Adam. Samandriel paused for a moment, his  grace going completely still and unwavering as if to conserve energy, he reached  for  Adam’s hand and intertwined their fingers. “Pray to me for the room you want. Pray for  how you want it to look” Samandriel says, light blue clouding his hazel eyes and his  voice was steely and cold. 

 

Adam’s mouth formed an ‘o’ shape, his confusion obvious for anyone to see. The human slowly closed his eyes, his eyebrows  knitted together in concentration, “uh...Oh, Samandriel, who art in heaven? Blessed be his bright red Wiener hut hat”  Samandriel’s conservative calm expression was broken by a slight smile as he shook his head. Adam opened his eyes for a  moment to catch the angel’s broken composure before closing them again with a lopsided grin. 

“I pray that this boring room of too much white, be turned into something darker, with more room, maybe more than just a  table and some burgers in it. A bed would be nice so I could finally sleep on something other than these hard porcelain chairs. A television so I can figure out what the hell is going on outside, a radio for some music.” Adam rattled on, Samandriel’s eyes were shining with his white grace that was seeping it’s way out to do as Adam asked. The room was slowly being changed to  look like the one the human desired, everything he said Samandriel added, the illusion becoming more and more real as the  white table disappeared from view. 

 

“Is that all?” Samandriel asked, Adam nodded and mumbled a ‘yeah’, “you can open your eyes now” Adam opened up his eyes  before he looked wildly around the room. 

 

The once pearly white room with marble tables was replaced for a dark room with  a wooden bed, a reasonably sized television propped up on a large display case, a small  desk with messy papers on it, a tiny black radio perched on the edge of the desk, and a  window with the blinds pulled closed tight as the soft sound of rain poured down against  it. The only indication of the holy room from before was the crosses nailed to the walls in  the exact location the other room had them. 

 

  Adam let go of Samandriel’s hand, walking around the room with his eyes wide,  touching the furniture tentatively as if it would disappear. “How did you--” Adam stopped  mid sentence, running his hand over the television in complete shock. 

 

Samandriel gave a thin lipped smile, suddenly feeling awkward in his own skin at how shell-shocked the human was as his brothers would normally not even bat an eye at this. It was rewarding to hear someone being surprised by him, shocked at  how well he did something, instead of the usual ‘you could have done better’. “I’m the angel of imagination, Adam. I may not  be that good at picking up game boards from factories but  illusions I can do” Samandriel explains. 

 

Adam was staring at the television in awe which made Samandriel realized how  long the human had been away from earth.  “Why didn’t you do this before?” Adam  questioned. 

 

 

“I need someone to pray to me to do it, bit of a flaw really. Also, I thought you just wanted to play board games, that doesn’t  really require illusions” Samandriel bounced on the balls of his feet, feeling like a pampered cat being smothered with praise.  “Do you like it? I added a few things I saw in humans heavens since you’re prayer was  vague” 

 

 

The human was beaming with new life, a large smile on his face as he looked around  the room, his soul shining bright. “Like it? Look at this, a television, radio! This is  amazing!” Adam cheered, he turned around to look at Samandriel with a gleam  in his  eyes. Adam moved forward and wrapped his arms around Samandriel and trapping the  angel in a large hug. 

 

  Samandriel’s eyes widened in surprise, confused at what his human was doing  before realizing that this was what was called a ‘hug’. The angel didn’t know how to  react, he remembered humans doing this with loved ones in heaven but yet he wasn’t  sure how to go about it. Samandriel tried his best to mimic what he remembered, he  threw his arms around Adam and held him tight  Adam pulled away and silence fell between them, Samandriel wondered if he should  move and the decision was made for him as something soft pressed against his lips. 

 

 

 Adam had kissed him. Adam  _**is**_   kissing him. Samandriel’s mind was going berserk, confusion and happiness filling his  thoughts as he felt hands wrap around his waist. The angel did his best to follow Adam’s movements , leaning into the kiss  with slight hesitation. Samandriel pulled away as Matt’s vessels weak lungs gasped for breath. The human was watching him  with slight worry on his face, as Samandriel wheezed softly. 

 

  “Was that your way of saying Thank you?” Samandriel questioned, slowly catching his breath. Adam moved his hands away  from Samandriel’s waist, a small smile creeping up across his face, “to you, yes” Adam stated. 

 

 

The angel wasn’t sure how to react to it, the warmth bubbling up within him like he is going to burst, but one thing Samandriel did know was that he wanted more of it. “Creative. I like it” Samandriel said, a thin lipped smile spread across his face. 

 

 Adam smirked and pulled the angels Wiener hut hat off his head and put it on his own before leaning in to steal another kiss. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well things are definitely heating up, ho ho! Another chapter done, it's super fluffy and I finished most of it at 1 o'clock (since I wanted to get my sixth chapter done) I hope you liked it~


	7. Faux Mundanity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning contains giant dorks being in love! Thanks for your support!

It’s been- Hell, Adam doesn’t know anymore. Time was impossible to tell in

Heaven, for all the human could tell he might of been in that pearly room for years.

Adam was sure that if Samandriel didn’t come to visit every so often he would have

gone insane. Which means he cherished every moment with the red and white clad

angel, savoring in any companionship he could get.

Thankfully, since the lovely incident in Adam’s new illusion-room Samandriel has

given him much more companionship than the human knows what to do with.

The angel was confused at first at how to go about it, especially after the human

greeted him with a kiss the next day. It was cute watching Samandriel tilt his head in

confusion with flushed cheeks at Adam’s advances before attempted to imitate them

back at him.

It was obvious the angel was following Adam’s lead, if he hugged Samandriel

from behind one day, the next day the angel would do that to him. They still played silly

board games, except now the loser usually ended up kissing the victor.

 

Life was good. It was easy for the human to imagine he was somewhere else,

that this illusion of a room was real and he was blissfully unaware of the apocalypse or

hunters. So Adam continued to let himself imagine it.

Even though Adam imagined a different life it didn’t mean he wasn’t happy.

Samandriel made him happy. Heaven, the apocalypse, his past and his destiny did not.

Adam sat on the bed of his ‘illusion-room’ staring up at the ceiling. The soft

sound of rain pounding against the window loud against the humans ears. It was always

raining in the illusion, always with the same intensity no matter what time of day it was,

as if to remind him that this wasn’t real.

 

The soft rustle of wings alerted Adam to his angels presence, having heard heard

the low noise so much the human was sure it was engraved in his consciousness.

Adam sat up slowly, smiling as he saw the familiar face of the Wiener hut angel. “Hey,

Alfie” He called, Samandriel gave a thin-lipped smile in return and walked closer to

Adam.

 

The human leaned up to try and kiss Samandriel who smiled at Adam’s

eagerness. “Hello Adam” The small angel said, leaning down to kiss the already-waiting

human.

Adam was practically beaming with pride when Samandriel pulled away, he

patted his lap. The angel sat down on Adam’s lap, “you look bored as ever” Samandriel

teased as he relaxed against the human. The secondary vessel wrapped his arms

 

around the angel and rested his head on Samandriel’s shoulder.

“Well what else can I do beside wait for you? The television only has two

channels and the radio only plays classical musical” Adam retorted, pressing a small

kiss to the angels shoulder. “I’ve watched all of the seasons of Gilmore girls, thanks to

that t.v”

  
“my apologies. I’ve only seen one heaven with a television, I just assumed that would be enough to keep you busy” The angel stated. “You are tough to keep entertained”   


 

Adam laughed. “You’re talking to the guy who played Monopoly with you five

times”

“I almost won that last one” Samandriel intertwined his fingers with Adam’s.

 

“I thought it was a sin to lie” The human teased, kissing up the angels neck.

Samandriel shook his head slightly, “that hasn’t stopped any angel before” He

stated.

Adam smirked, “Normally people dodge questions when they are lying”

 

“I’m not dodging anything” Samandriel retorted, against his best efforts to hide it

Adam still saw the small smile edging at the corner of his lips. The angel moved off of

the humans lap, standing up.

Adam was about to groan in annoyance about the loss of the warm angel before he was

interrupted by Samandriel turning around sit down on his lap, leaning in to steal a kiss

from the human’s frowning lips

 

The sound of the pounding rain faded into the background for Adam who was

more concerned with the angel in his arms. Samandriel was a quick learner, the human

noted, as he opened his mouth to give Adam full access.

There were moments where Adam thought that Heaven wasn’t that bad. Here

with his boyfriend’s arms wrapped around his neck, soft noises of pleasure escaping the

small boys body, those thoughts came to his mind. With this angel, this celestial being

who Adam had played  board games  with, the human didn’t care where he was.

 

Whether it be hell or the pearly-gates if Samandriel was there by his side, it

couldn’t be too bad.

 The angel pulled away, resting his forehead against Adam’s. The secondary

 

vessel’s hands were traveling up and down Samandriel’s side, “forgot you need to

breathe through your nose again didn’t you” Adam stated.

 

Samandriel’s arms went slightly limp, his face red and his eyes shining. “I’m not a

big fan of breathing” The angel said between gasps before he leaned in for another kiss.

 

 


	8. Whose end is it now? Mine or yours?

Orders. The stream of commands came into Samandriel’s mind during his usual   
rounds of prayers. Normally new orders were nothing special, ‘help this family’, ‘answer   
this prayer’, but this one caught the angel’s full attention. 

It was time for Adam to reach his potential, time for him to say yes to Michael.   
The apocalypse has been breathing down the neck of Heaven, keeping everyone on   
their toes and working extra hard as that time approaches. Yet even though the   
imminence of the apocalypse was impossible not to notice Samandriel was still   
surprised at the order. 

He was told to prepare Adam, to make sure his human was ready to agree for a   
angel’s grace to rip through his entire being. The weight of it all bearing down on   
Samandriel like a ton of bricks, the fact that he has to come to terms with it so soon.   
That in a few moments Adam would be gone, his flickering soul only a memory. 

Could he refuse? Samandriel tried to imagine himself revolting against heaven   
but all he could see out of it was his death. A pair of cream colored wings tucked tight   
against the angels back, feeling like he was trapped. 

These were his orders, his mission. What escape was their? Heaven would   
never let go of their grasp of Adam, they would search endlessly for him. Samandriel   
had no choice but to let him go. Despair and anger toiled in the angel as his wings   
slinked out from their nestling place and raised high in the air. 

When Samandriel arrived Adam was sitting by the window sill. The angel walked   
quickly over to the human, not sparing a second before he wrapped his arms around the   
secondary vessel. Adam said something but Samandriel didn’t care to listen, the sound   
of flapping wings in the distance and Matt’s beating heart tuning out the human. 

Samandriel’s eyes stung and his hands shook, the angel cared little for the   
human reactions right now as he was clinging to Adam for dear life. He clutched Adam   
desperately, as if Adam was about to die, that wasn’t true he wasn’t going to die--he   
was going to be tortured. 

The angel pulled away, he closed his eyes slowly and the original pearly white   
room returned. “Alfie...Uh-” “It’s time. You’ve got to say yes, it’s time” Samandriel   
babbled on, slowly letting go of Adam’s shirt. 

The human quirked an eyebrow at the angel’s ramblings, “what are you talking   
about?” Adam questioned. 

His soul will be torn apart. Samandriel closed his eyes, swallowing and knitting   
his eyebrows together. The thought of Adam’s screams as Michael’s grace tears   
through him making it hard for the angel to focus. “The apocalypse” 

Adam seemed relaxed at this revelation, “that’s happening today?” he questioned   
in a surprised tone. Of course he’d be calm, the small angel thought, he doesn’t know   
what I know. 

“Are you ready?” Samandriel asked, he tried to compose himself and failed   
entirely. The angel’s eyes softened, “are you sure you want to do this?” He questioned. 

Adam didn’t seemed to understand Samandriel’s hushed tone and welled up eyes, his   
confusion clear. “Yeah...Why wouldn’t I?” The human questioned. 

This was the mission all along and you know that, Samandriel thought as he   
repressed tears, you knew it would end up like this and yet you did nothing. “Goodbye,   
Adam” The angel stated. 

Adam raised his eyebrows in confusion, “Goodbye- wait we can’t see each other   
when I say yes? We’ll meet when the apocalypse is over though right? I won’t be gone   
too long” He said. The human smiled, that smile that Samandriel knew would haunt him,   
“you are clingier than I thought” 

Samandriel laughed, looking down and shaking his head. The angel could hear   
the sound of rustling wings and knew immediately who it was. Zachariah. 

“Hey, Alfie, great to see you’ve already spoken to Adam” Zachariah said, a fake   
peppiness in his voice that the smaller angel despised. “Well, no need for you to stick   
around now. You better get a move on!” 

The small angel’s shoulders slumped as he turned around, Zachariah’s smirking   
face and towering grace filling Samandriel with disgust. With a single flutter of cream   
colored wings Samandriel flew from Heaven. 

 

He was running. From what? The angel did not know exactly, from Adam’s   
inevitable demise, from Zachariah’s devilish plans, from the past and from the soon to   
be present? Perhaps from a combination of all of those things? 

What matter was that with his wings held high and heaven far away, things were   
a little more clear. The static in his head roared a bit quieter and the pit in his stomach   
became a lot less deep. Yes, the stinging pain of what could happen next still came   
every once or a while but still there were moment’s of beautiful bliss. 

In these moments Samandriel allowed himself to imagine, think out scenarios   
where things were different, one of these was a question of what would happen if he   
told Adam to say no to Michael. 

He was sure heaven would know immediately it was the small angel, since he   
was the only one in direct and friendly contact with Adam. No doubt, Samandriel   
assured himself, he would be killed and Adam would be tortured to say yes. Or worse,   
Lucifer would win. 

It had to be done, or so the angel thought. Memories of his time with the human   
flooded his mind, making Samandriel immediately regretting bringing it up. The idea of   
the fragile pieces of Adam’s soul breaking, the soft light low and flickering wildly, was   
too much to bear. 

“I had to” Samandriel yelled through clenched teeth, closing his eyes tight.


	9. Denial

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry i'm so late with the updates now, regular life has really taken a toll on my free time

 

 

 

**Days since the apocalypse started** :  _1_

 

 

 

 

Samandriel saw the sun filter into the motel room from the small bed where he sat. The motel was one from a humans prayers, who wished for it to remodeled into something gorgeous. The angel granted him the will and ever since the man has been working   vigorously on the project.

Since the human had only finished the bottom floor of the large motel, the rooms have been unoccupied for some time. Seeing as how the small angel refused to go back to Heaven, not until the apocalypse has passed, he decided he would camp out in the worn out motel. So here Samandriel sat, on a rotting  bed with his head between his hands.

 

 

The angel expected the room to be peaceful, well as peaceful as Earth can be for a highly  sensitive angel, but Matt refused for that to happen. The human’s tiny soul was furious with Samanadriel’s decision to leave behind Adam, poking and probing the far bigger grace with questions and complaints.

 

Samandriel stared out the dirtied window, the tops of houses barely visible from the green tint of the glass. The only sound in the room, for the human ears to perceive, was the sound of the angels hushed muttering. Matt was not listening to Samandriel’s reasoning, the human was practically belligerent as he considered Adam to be his ally.

 

The angel knew Matt didn’t oppose him and Adam’s relationships, for reasons he did not understand? He expected the aggressive male to be furious about the fact of what Samandriel was doing with his body, but he never spoke a word about it. It wasn’t till now that Matt actually spoke about Adam.  

**  
**

“I had to” The angel mumbled under his breath, again and again, as many times as it would take for Matt to understand. Matt would never understand, he saw angels as a beacon for good whereas Samandriel knew better. Samandriel knew that not all pure creatures were in heaven’s ranks. He was one of them now.

**  
** The realization had struck him fully now, the fact of how in the wrong he was, of how much he had betrayed heaven. Yes, Samandriel did fulfill his mission but the regret he held for it was not something a regular soldier of heaven would think.

 

 

These thoughts were sinful, for a human no less, and yet Samandriel couldn’t help but feel they weren’t that bad. In his shoes they would have made the same decision, the tiny angel assured himself, all of them would have done the same.

****  
** **

The angel ran his hand over his eyes, Matt yelled out throughout his thoughts and Samandriel felt anger bubble up within him. The tiny human didn’t understand how much slack Samandriel gave him, how kind he’s been, the freedoms he’s allowed the little soul that no other angel would grant.

 

Matt clammered on about how the angel was a coward, how he should have turned back and grabbed Adam. Samandriel ignored him. Tuned out Matt as best he could. “I had to” The angel snapped, shutting his eyes tight. ‘There was no other options and Matt knows this. He knows it.’ Samandriel repeated in his head.

****  
**** “You know I had too, yet here you are.” The angel growled, shaking his head at the human’s anger. “You don’t know what was at stake. You don’t know” The angel’s wings puffed out in a show of dominance even though Matt couldn’t see it.  

 

 

Matt continued with his arguing, not stopping even after Samandriel’s words. The angel rested his head in his hands again, letting out a small groan in annoyance.

**  
**

Samandriel sat there, for what he believed to be a long time, with his head in his hands. Matt had stopped talking at some point, his words of protest now no more than grumbles in the back of the angels mind.

**  
**

After some time, Samandriel finally spoke, his words clear and defined as if they were law.  

**  
**

“I’m going back to heaven soon. I’m going to get back on track and everythings going to go back to normal, before the mission. My orders will come back once this apocalypse is over and things will go on. With or without your cooperation.”  

For once in his long celestial existence Samandriel felt like his brothers, he felt like a soldier. It was strangely rewarding.  

 

 


	10. Anger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These next few chapters will be short, but don't fret I will have longer ones as well!

**Days since the apocalypse started** : _10_

No orders. Not a single thing from Heaven, just quiet static. Samandriel wondered if this was what Adam felt like waiting for him to return, this overpowering feeling of loneliness. Samandriel wondered a lot of things about Adam recently, his thoughts stuck on the human’s last words and final screams. It was torture thinking about it, yet the angel’s mind always drifted to the subject.

The silence was killing him, he needed to distract himself. Heaven needed to distract him. Samandriel felt cheated, as if it was Heaven’s fault he was haunted by Adam’s memory. The angel sat on the bed in the motel, the owner of said motel working diligently on the flooring downstairs. Samandriel had a handful of the sheets of the bed, his arms shaking.

What did I do to deserve this? I did as they asked, I completed the mission flawlessly. Why aren’t they helping me? Samandriel thought over and over, a endless stream of angry questions racing around in his mind.

If Samandriel was more observant he would have noticed the fact that the outside world looked the same, that nothing was turned to ash and fire, as if the apocalypse didn’t happen (which it didn’t). Though the angel didn’t care for earth, earth was just a hiding place to him now, what mattered was Heaven. His home. It was as if his mind was altered, from a lot of things. Loneliness, anger, mourning. A mixture of three, but now he saw the world differently.

****

This gaping hole that Adam left has left him scrambling to fix it, though even he know it will never be filled.

****

Samandriel’s wings were extended high into the air, his teeth ground together. The angel felt it all building up within him, all of it forming together like a storm inside of him. He deserved to be happy. He’s done nothing wrong. Why are they doing this to him?

Samandriel yelled, though to a human it must have sounded like loud static. The building shook, dust wafting off the sides as furniture slammed into the walls downstairs. The windows blew out, the pieces clattering onto the unsuspecting streets below.    

 

The angels eyes were glowing with his seeping grace, which pushed on the confines of his human vessel. Streams of water poured from Samandriel’s eyes, some of this water sizzling against the burning heat of his grace.

****

I’m leaking again. That was the first thing that the angel noticed, as his vessel’s breathing went back to normal. Then Samandriel noticed something else as well, he couldn’t feel Matt’s soul anymore.

****  
** ******

Samandriel’s eyes widened, the bright light immediately dimming at this new fact. His wings closed around himself, like a cocoon, his own grace wrapping around the remanence of Matt’s soul in desperation. “I’m sorry” Samandriel muttered, burying his face in his white wings. “I’m sorry” He whispered again, like a dying prayer.

****

  The pieces flickered.

******  
  
  
**


	11. Bargaining

**Days since the apocalypse** : _25_

Matt was healing. Slowly the humans soul was forming together again, Samandriel did the best he could to fix the damage he caused. The pieces of his soul would flicker, as if Matt’s own dire attempt to stay alive.

Samandriel practically engulfed the broken human’s soul into his grace, mumbling soft apologies into the bent and torn pieces. The angel hated himself for what he had done to Matt, the poor innocent human who still believed those in heaven were completely good. For days on end the angel beat himself up about it. Water was constantly pouring from his eyes, crying as Matt had once called it, leaving tear tracks  on his cheeks.

The angel dropped to his knees, hands clasped. Samandriel closed his eyes, opening his mouth to speak when-- That feeling again. This stabbing feeling of longing cut straight through the angel, who could tell it was not his own. Samandriel knew his longing by now, that deep seated feeling like he swallowed a large weight that was tempted to bury him under. This feeling was not Samandriel’s, it was too pointed and burning.

He didn’t like it, because it gave him hope. Hope that it might be from Adam, hope that Adam was somehow still alive. These hopeful thoughts would crush him if he believed in them, Samandriel was sure of it, so he tried his best to avoid the searing longing.

Samandriel swallowed down the pain and spoke his prayer. “Father. It’s me Samandriel. I’m not sure if this prayer will reach you or if, after what i’ve done, you will ignore it all together but...I need your help. Please. I know i’ve sinned, i’ve committed a horrible act, but I see that now. I can change, I can be a good soldier this time. I’ll follow orders, I will never disobey those who command me!” Samandriel tipped his head to the roof of the motel. “I understand the rules now, I can do what you put me here to do. Please, I just need a little help, a simple push in the right direction.”

 **  
** He paused for a moment, as if he expected a reply before continuing. “Matt, that’s my human vessel, he’s…he’s wounded. I take full responsibility for that, I didn’t mean to harm him but...I will try to nurse him back to health, I don’t know how much I can fix. Though I’m not only here for Matt, as selfish as that might sound, I want to go back. I want to go back to heaven, to my brothers, I want to answer prayers...I...I...I want a home.”

Samandriel let out a shaky sigh, resting his head against his clasped hands.

“Heaven is my home now. It’s always been my home. Please let me go back, please let me be happy again.”

Silence.

**  
**  
  
  


The sizzling pain shot through him again, making him wince. Silence once more. ****

The silence seemed to drag on forever, taking Samandriel’s last pieces of hope with it.

**  
**  
  
  


Silence.

**  
**  
  
  


Samandriel wondered if Heaven even cared about him anymore, as the silence continued.

**  
**  


Silence

 **  
**  
The faint sound of heaven’s static rang through Samandriel’s mind, the words crystal clear. “Samandriel. We’ve noticed you’re prolong absence and came to the conclusion you either must be avoiding orders, which is not permitted, or you haven’t heard the news.” This angels voice sounds familiar and yet he couldn’t pinpoint who it exactly was, but Samandriel’s curiosity was forgotten by the mystery angel’s next words.

 **  
** “The apocalypse never was able to take full effect, against our best efforts. The Winchester’s opened the cage and trapped our valiant soldier, Michael and Lucifer inside. Now that you understand what has happened during your disappearance, we would like for you to come back to receive your new missions. Soon." 

 


	12. Depression

~~**Days since the apocalypse started** : _45_~~

The angel blade was tempting him. Samandriel stared at the blade resting on his side bitterly. He wouldn’t do it of course, not yet at least. Matt’s soul was still rebuilding itself, the fragile pieces finally fixed enough for the human to speak. Matt clammered on with questions about what Samandriel did while he was out, while the angel only replied with apologies and vague answers.

The human seemed interested in the burning needle-like pain Samandriel felt, questioning it’s origins. Samandriel just agreed with the curious human, trying his best to get off the topic as he didn’t want to think about the possible answers. That Adam might have such a strong longing for him it transcends the cage, that Adam is pleading for Samandriel to save him.

Matt seemed far more upbeat than Samandriel, who was now answering prayers just as he was before. The human’s soul spoke to the angel daily, instead of before where it was lucky if Matt even spoke a word to him. Matt talked to Samandriel as if he was a friend, forgiving him for what he did, wondering if he was okay.

The angel didn’t understand why Matt cared, after all they weren’t on the best foot before he was injured, though Samandriel didn't care. He had his own problems to deal with, he didn’t need Matt’s forced comfort.

It was getting harder to keep going for Samandriel, everyday felt longer and longer, even though he had gotten what he had said he wanted. He was working for heaven again, a soldier for heaven’s front lines, but yet he never felt more alone. It was a empty feeling but Samandriel kept going, kept forcing his way through another day.

****

Samandriel didn’t think he could do it any longer, keep up this charade, this game. The angel swore that once Matt was fully healed, the human well enough to travel to heaven once he departs, Samandriel would end it all. There was nothing he could do to make up for his sins, he believed. This feeling was too human, too new, and it made the angel realize how tainted he truly was.

****

Adam had tainted him, yet Samandriel didn’t hate him for reasons he didn’t understand. The angel expected himself to be angry at Adam for poisoning him with these feelings but instead he just felt lonely.

There’s no point to this anymore, Samandriel thought, I understand this now. Orders streamed in and the angel sighed, he’s been busier than ever since he’s been back, barely anytime to rest. Samandriel knew the other angels were getting far more breaks than him, but he didn’t care, it kept him busy.

****

Matt spoke up again, his words hushed, speaking about how Samandriel’s been feeling lately. The human thought his grace didn’t shine as much now and was worried. Matt went quiet for a moment, before he questioned Samandriel again.

****

The angel ignored it, he was busy and didn’t need Matt’s jibbering to distract him.

****

Matt danced around the subject, something he’s done a few times before, trying to be vague yet also convey a point. Samandriel would roll his eyes, if he didn’t know Matt could see it, as he located the prayer. The human was stumbling, trying to find the right words and failing. Not that Samandriel cared, as he was listening into a fragile human’s prayer.

****

Matt paused for a moment, collecting himself before he spoke, this time clear for Samandriel to hear. ‘I’ve made peace with Adam’s death. You should too’

Samandriel’s eyes widened slightly, stunned at Matt’s words. They haven’t spoken about the fact that Adam might be dead before, perhaps they had both been too scared to even consider it. Samandriel glanced down at his angel blade before closing his eyes, taking a deep breath. “How” Samandriel muttered, his voice cracking.

******  
  
  
**


	13. Acceptance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is not the final chapter! Don't worry, I have a few more to go!

~~**Days since the apocalypse started** : _96_~~

**  
**  


Recovering was a slow process. Though Samandriel wasn’t sure exactly what being fully recovered looked like. Matt kept speaking to him, trying his best to strike up a conversation and keep Samandriel happy. The angel had done his best to forget about it, to forget about the time he had shared with Adam before he realized that it was impossible. So he accepted it.

Samandriel accepted the fact that he was a sinned angel, sure to be fallen if he had been around Adam any longer. He accepted the fact that he felt something for a human, something deep and profound that he knew God would not approve of. Samandriel accepted the fact that he could never rebel, he accepted that he would always be called tainted because of the brother he was closest to, Castiel, and most of all he accepted the fact that Adam was being tortured and he can do nothing about it.

 **  
**It didn’t feel better to accept it but he did feel a little bit of the weight on his shoulders disappear, at least for now. The seething longing still wounded him, but he didn’t dare question it, it was just a regular part of life now. **  
**

Heaven worked him furiously, not giving him a moment’s rest as he worked tirelessly. The communication between him and heaven was always open, doing his best to weed out the gossip and casual conversations to focus on new orders. Samandriel would be answering prayers and doing quick missions left and right. It was a nice distraction, keeping him from the bad thoughts that would swarm when he was meant to relax.

Samandriel relished in the new assignments, the new distractions! He was the perfect little soldier his father always wanted, following orders without questioning a single thing. Though the small angel knew he wasn’t as important as the higher up and honestly he didn’t want to be, he was fine where he was. A small little angel working among the ranks without a care in the world, supposedly mindless.

 **  
** Just because Samandriel followed orders doesn’t mean he didn’t see the dirt and grime, the corruption was still very visible to the little angel. Heaven was slowly becoming more and more corrupt, Samandriel feared for it’s future yet he still kept working. Yes, he sneered behind the corrupt angels backs but he still did the orders they gave him. After all what could a tiny angel change? That’s the motto Samandriel lived by, that crooked tenet that kept him in line.

Things were normal, well somewhat normal, the burning longing and Matt’s witty interjections were certainly new. Yes, things were semi-normal, not happy, but Heaven never cared about angels happiness anyway. Samandriel went on with his existence, new orders, more old memories to bury.

**  
**  


Just as Heaven wants.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope the premise isn't too shaky for your enjoyment! I think it's pretty good for my first one, though I'm sure many of you would disagree with me.


End file.
